Getting out of my mind and into the world
All very different, all very good. The yellow boots one contains so much experienced detail that I found it very moving.
Ooh, thanks Colin, that's a great compliment. I'll have to find names for them all soon.
I like this one a lot. The smell of warm tea carried by the wind, the calves warm in themselves. Nice. I've a feeling you might need to rephrase the third and second last lines - the dependent clause coming before the main clause is a little awkward.But Colin's right about the convincing detail. The poem drops the reader in the place.
I love the imagery and the richness of this, Barbara - kinda want to reach out and touch and smell it all.
Anyone who has frozen their...off feeding cattle would instantly recognise and 'be in' the moment you describe here. 'Trod their own muck,' loved it all!
Ah, the devil is in the detail - one of the things pressed on us in the Writing course is the use of sensory detail to back up images, which I think I'm getting the hang of at last!Rob I think you're right about the breath and the tea, will look at that one again.And thanks for all the encouraging comments and reads that you're all giving - very useful feedback.
Was right there with you.You " took" the reader into your world..
Enjoyed this hugely, Barbara. For such a short poem it conjured the scene impressively; the weather, the smells, the squelch of muck and straw transported me to the poem's world. My favourite so far, I think.
Thanks Ben, high praise indeed. I think it came because here the weather has turned a degree or two colder, the sun is lower as well and I can smell autumn/winter coming now.
Post a Comment