Getting out of my mind and into the world
Quite good, this one. I'd drop either "muffling" or "shuffling" as the sound is strong enough to be corny - not sure that "muffling" is exactly correct anyway.
Cheers Rob, I'm going for the quick draft with each one, and will hone afterwards. I'm enjoying the challenge of the lines - they are just great gifts.
Beards do muffle speech. When I do performance workshops I always tell bearded poets to allow for it. There are some really interesting poems coming out of this exercise.
I kind of agree with Rob, it's the men who are muffling, not the beards? Poetry ain't my forte. I like the way it's rounded at both ends with the same sentiment? :-)
Well I agree with Colin - but then I was going for the idea that the beards were an old-fashioned Russia that had to make way for the new, thus muffling their words and shuffling towards the inevitable modernisation - this confusion means I can strengthen this bit in the revision stage!
Loving all the poetry! :)
It's more the combination of muffling/shuffling I wasn't fond of - the heavy rhyming emphasis for little result. Gramatically here, it's the men who are doing the muffling, not the beards. I guess you'll be able to sort it out though.
I know Rob - need to find something more subtle for that. An-y-way - better get writing for today!
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