Sunday, August 05, 2007

No. 3 for the Guardian Challenge

pulled.

8 comments:

Rob said...

Quite good, this one. I'd drop either "muffling" or "shuffling" as the sound is strong enough to be corny - not sure that "muffling" is exactly correct anyway.

Cailleach said...

Cheers Rob, I'm going for the quick draft with each one, and will hone afterwards. I'm enjoying the challenge of the lines - they are just great gifts.

Colin Will said...

Beards do muffle speech. When I do performance workshops I always tell bearded poets to allow for it.

There are some really interesting poems coming out of this exercise.

Jon M said...

I kind of agree with Rob, it's the men who are muffling, not the beards? Poetry ain't my forte. I like the way it's rounded at both ends with the same sentiment? :-)

Cailleach said...

Well I agree with Colin - but then I was going for the idea that the beards were an old-fashioned Russia that had to make way for the new, thus muffling their words and shuffling towards the inevitable modernisation - this confusion means I can strengthen this bit in the revision stage!

chiefbiscuit said...

Loving all the poetry! :)

Rob said...

It's more the combination of muffling/shuffling I wasn't fond of - the heavy rhyming emphasis for little result. Gramatically here, it's the men who are doing the muffling, not the beards. I guess you'll be able to sort it out though.

Cailleach said...

I know Rob - need to find something more subtle for that. An-y-way - better get writing for today!