Sunday, February 28, 2010

A Christening Through Binoculars

‘I can see God through my nocliers,’ you said
and we indulged your three-year-old self
with shushing smiles as the priest intoned the rites
that would make you one of theirs.

I held your baby sister in my arms as we waited
our turn for water droplets, for you and her.
You scrutinised the ceiling, hunted for loose angels,
asked ‘ If heaven was inside the chapel walls?'

I thought not, but didn’t say, as you were bundled
up by a burly Godfather, to receive your blessing,
and I offered the crowns of both your downy heads
in return for confirmation that binoculars allowed.


This is pure rough, I'll take it down later for work!

17 comments:

belle said...

oh I like this :o)

Totalfeckineejit said...

So far so good! Nice one B.

Argent said...

It's not rough - I like it.

Rachel Fox said...

When she was littler our daughter once got stuck in the middle of binoculars (like a record) so we now always call them 'binocanocanocanocanoculars'.
x

Karen said...

I like adding the child's point of view here.

BarbaraS said...

Aw thanks guys; it's one of those that came out of nowhere, so I'm pleased to get somthing out.

the watercats said...

I really liked this little extract of a moment :-).. kid's are great aren't they!

Emerging Writer said...

A lovely moment to grasp.
Thanks

NanU said...

Cool! I wish I remembered being baptised.

Poetikat said...

I really liked the "loose angels". Very nice, not rough at all.

Kat

willow said...

Super-duper opening line!

Peter Goulding said...

A new word coined in the English language!

I loved the downy heads

Titus said...

I liked this, and am particularly fond of "moment" poems, and this is a good one. I know exactly those "shushing smiles", so loved that, and also the "I thought not, but didn’t say,..."
The last two lines, and the play on crowns, I thought were very good.

Not too rough at all then!

Dominic Rivron said...

Reminded me of my own children's Christenings - a long time ago.

Tommaso Gervasutti said...

I enjoyed this poem but I felt: identify yourself with him and SENSE, just for a tiny second, heaven even inside those, for us, so normal, -maybe a bit dull too?- walls.

BarbaraS said...

Davide, that's a very good point - you might have helped me unlock what I thought was wrong...

Thank you to everyone else, it's been a rough week, so it's been nice to hear your comments :)

Dick said...

It's going beautifully for a first draft, Barbara. 'I thought not, but didn't say' sums up my reaction to the Goddery that R and R bring home from school.