Friday, October 23, 2009

Falling Back

Autumn Herself

She leaves notes on the brambles:
glistening blackberry globes for stewed
desserts and jam, or damsons ready
for eager childrens' hands to scrump.

She flirts with a passer-by in the quickened
blaze she leaves on a ten year old beech,
fire licks going quickly over to bronzed yellow.
They cling until the first hard storm
spins their dry crunches into a limp mess
down the muddy street drains.

She's the crush of burnt sienna velvet
in a dress fondled in a department store.
She's low angled sunshine across a field
of beige barley-stubble. Her scent
is the must of late saucer mushrooms;
her jewellery scarlet berries hiding
in the dark, green prickles of paired Holly trees.

15 comments:

P Nolan said...

Niiiiiiiiiiiiiice! New or older?

Frances said...

I know you're gonna think I'm a bit of a nit-wit but I love this without the first stanza. I think the first bit is a tiny bit 'telly' whereas the rest of it is beautiful and 'showy'.

Word verification is podfaws. I think we should have a competition to write a poem entitled 'Podfaws'

BarbaraS said...

PJ, thanks - Frances, I think that those are interesting and useful comments. It's about a year old, and I find I have to be in the season to write seasonal stuff (or work on it). So thanks both!

Podfaws - what a gorgeous selection of letters. I have pormat just now, that could make an excellent line end for the following line...

Liz said...

Nice one, Barbara...great sensuousness (too many 's' or does word exist? must check...) and expectation in this.

I miss the blackberry and apple season and oh those wild hazel nuts too. : )

Tommaso Gervasutti said...

Marvellous poem, I will mention it in my blog.

All my best, Davide
(Tommaso)

Mairi said...

I like the first verse, and the surprise of the word 'scrump' takes it - for me - well out anything too twee. Is that what 'telly' means? I like the phrase 'too telly' but would like a definition. I also like the internal half rhymes or quarter rhymes or whatever fraction they are, and think they're very nicely, very discreetly done- Jam/damson, quickened/licks, must/ mush(rooms) etc- and all the alliteration. My only complaint is the repetition of quickened/quickly, which I find distracting as it immediately calls attention to itself.

BarbaraS said...

You have all such sharp eyes and ears, especially you Mairi - I shall have to watch myself :)))

Rachel Fenton said...

Would make a sensible comment but for a sudden craving for blackberry jam on a doorstep...

WOMEN RULE WRITER said...

Love the atmosphere this creates - a perfect autumnal poem.
scrump is great - what does it mean?

Dick said...

I'm with Frances. Stanzas 2 and 3 stand firm under the title. Love it.

BarbaraS said...

Thanks N, scrump, as in nick apples or fruit from an orchard when you shouldn't. We used to do it on the way home from school when we were kids...

Cheers Rachel, can't beat a bit of home-made jam on a doorstop of bread, especially if it's home made. Yum

Thanks Dick - valuable input as well :)

apprentice said...

I'm with Rachel, off to a make crumble.

I think thr first stanza is just setting out your stall and there's no harm in that. Scrump is a great word - we put them down our jooks..

BarbaraS said...

Thanks A, love 'jooks,' what a great word for them ;)

Michelle said...

I like all three stanzas very much, Barbara. Love the surprise of the first line, the notes on the brambles. And "scrump". It's a delicious word redolent of childhood. Gorgeous imagery and word choices. Thanks for posting it.

Rachel Fenton said...

Been thinking about this one some more - I know, I'm a slow burner, and I miss all the action, but what the hey.

I have decided I like the first stanza very much thank you. "She leaves notes on the brambles: - like the leaves of the bramble are the notes: prickly post-its.

Won't bore you with more brambleramblings.